Hello + Happy Thanksgiving

Hello and Happy Thanksgiving.

I hope you're finding yourselves surrounded by those you love this year. And whether you're dining on the typical Turkey Day trimmings or feasting in a more unconventional way, I hope you're remembering all the reasons you have to be thankful.

I, for one, am thankful for an uncountable number of things this year. As I sit around with my family thinking about all we've been through (not just my family, but our country -- our world), I am reminded of all the great and positive blessings we have received.

We are alive. We are together. And if you're reading this, you're doing well enough that you still have your computer and apparently electricity. We can still laugh, even if times are tough and our health isn't the best. We can still hug. We can still see one another. We have much to be thankful for.

I'm thankful to have family and friends who support my dreams and aspirations to become so much more than I am today. I'm thankful for having those aspirations and setting goals for myself. I'm thankful for Lucy, Blondie, Olive, and Charley for being my best friends and companions. I'm thankful for JM for putting up with my antics and loving me unconditionally. I'm thankful for a core group of friends who never neglect to remind me that as long as I want to, I'll always be young at heart. I'm thankful for the roof over my head that's not only been my house, but the warmest of homes for almost all my 23 years. I'm thankful for my car -- even though it's not the best, it's getting me from A to B. I'm thankful to still have a sustaining job in an industry that will most likely always been needed. I'm thankful for being shown Habitat for Humanity so that I can continue to pay it forward by building homes for those who deserve them. And I'm thankful for having this computer (albeit NOT the most reliable...) so that when I am on top of keeping in touch with you, I can sit down and bust out an email in a matter of seconds.

With all that being said, one last thing I am thankful for -- the dinner I'll be eating on Thanksgiving day!

Be well and be happy.

I love you all.

peace/alison.

So true. So perfectly true.

Because the fest can't be described in words. It's too awesome, like how jesus freaks say your head would explode if you heard god's voice or something. There's too much rad going on to contain into simple words. The fest is like the Bermuda triangle or something. It's the most awesome place on earth that only exists for three days when the gods of rock will it so. And then it disappears, lying dormant, until the planets align once again...

Habitats and Habits

I'm beginning to think when I don't do Habitat for Humanity, it negatively affects my life that day and occasionally, the days to follow.

I'm sitting at home on a Sunday morning and I'm overanalyzing the fact that I didn't help build Angelica's home yesterday. It was too cold. I had other things to do. I didn't feel well. I could come up with a myriad of excuses, but the fact still remains -- I did not go.

Every time I don't, something bad happens.

Karmatic retribution? I don't know.

But I think I've been doing things for all the wrong reasons. I think I care too much about what other people will think or do. I think I've lost part of myself in waiting and working for other people's intentions and goals.

Habitat is not that. Habitat is me building homes for friends. I Love building. I love it. It's powerful, educational, inspiring, and uplifting. I do build homes to help others, but the pay off is positive and addictive.

But I can't remember the last time I leapt. I can't recall the last time I did something I'd never done before. And that upsets me. When was the last time I really lived for me? When was the last time I did something and thought to myself 'whatever happens happens?'

Anyway, I'm moving.

Hopefully we're getting the key tomorrow and we can probably start painting soon too. I'm moving to the northern section of Ocala, albeit not my favorite city, but a change I embrace regardless.

I'll be closer to all my friends. My dogs will have a fenced-in yard. Game nights will RULE. The price is right. The distance is not too far from work. And the housemate is a brilliant match.

I've already figured out a quasi-budget, made a list of things I'll be moving to the new house, and started figuring logistics. It's going to be glorious.

For the people who don't know already, this will be the first time I've ever moved. It seems strange, being 23 and never having moved before, but my set-up is golden here. I live by myself and take care of my parents house while they travel, my dogs have six acres to play on, no one ever bothers me, and I have the entire place to myself.

It is golden, and it always will be, but I still want a change. There's nothing wrong with that. And I think this is forward progress for several parts of my life.

I get to re-establish a place for myself -- start with an empty room -- nay, an empty HOUSE. I've had the same room for almost all my 23 years. The wall colors have changed, but the schematics are the very same. I'm eager to move into a brand new home for me. A place I get to define with every item put in it. I love that I get to start from scratch. Even though we're not really moving in until March, I'm eager to start now!

But about now ... I had made plans last night to go out with someone. I was walking out the door (@ 4:30 and on time!) and he called and cancelled -- said he didn't feel like going afterall. As upset as I was (and I doubt he reads this, so I don't mind), some part of me just didn't care. I'm tired of basing my attitudes on the decisions of others. Used to be a time when no one's negativity could bring me down. Nowadays that's harder to accomplish, but it's still possible.

Before I was even off the phone I was taking my jewelry back off and putting my nice coat away. I changed out of my nice clothes and into some sweats and settled back into the idea that I'd be staying home for the night. It's the following afternoon and I haven't heard from him since and it finally doesn't matter.

Lately I've been thinking about how I see people around me doing for themselves and primarily ONLY themselves and I can't wrap my head around how a person could be so self-centered, but what I can see is that being a little bit self-centered is good for your soul.

I woke up today and made myself chocolate chip pancakes. That was selfish. And delicious.

But today I'll put all my laundry away and vacuum the floors and make dinner for my parents when they get home; all that is neither selfish or delicious (well, the making dinner part isn't delicious, but the eating it better be).

It just seems like no matter how much I give, no matter what I involve myself in or what I choose to do with my time or my life, I'm still missing something. And that brings me back to leaping.

As I sit here at my desk (which will only be my desk for three more months... haha), to my left is my cork board and on it is a list of things I'd like to accomplish "this summer" (it's dated 6/12/2007).

When I read over it, I can't help but laugh. In about a year and a half, I think I have only fully accomplished one out of nine of the tasks.

Read Blue Highways, learn Spanish, clean out my room, donate clothes and books to charity, plan and complete the back yard garden, repair my computer and set up a functioning work station, go on an adventure with Gary, and get my camera and all the start-up trimmings.

With the move about to happen, I ought to be able to accomplish the room cleaning and the clothes/books donations. Maybe in the midst of the move I'll be able to finally finish fixing my computer/work station. I still don't know what's stopping me from reading Blue Highways or learning Spanish. I know what keeps me from adventuring with Gary and there isn't much I can do about that right now. The back yard garden seems to only be wanted by me and only wanted by me sometimes, so it should probably just fall by the wayside. And I've gotten my camera and all the start up trimmings, but now I've hit a rut. I don't use it. =/

I'm paying for it monthly, but rarely ever touching it. What happened to that passion? Actually, this brings up a good point (one that should probably go in my 'writings of a woman/child' blog, but oh well). I think I'm going to start the365 project. It's a photography project where you take one picture every day for, obviously, one year. They don't have to be related, they don't have to be anything mind-blowingly amazing, but you do have to take a picture every day. I think I might try it as my new year's resolution. Seems like an appropriate day to start, right?And if I stick to it, it might be my very first resolution that I actually complete. :)



I think once I finish my actually tasks I'm forcing myself to do today, I'm going to get out a canvas and fucking paint.

So take that.

Nhyya Noelle Gordon

She was asleep in her car seat when they got to the park last week, looking as precious as ever.

Detra whispered her name and she peeked her eyes open, looked around, and closed them back.

Then she smiled, opened her eyes again, stretched out her arm and waved her tiny hand right at me.

After three weeks of not seeing my face or hearing my voice, Nhyya still remembers me. Something I feared she would not.

I cried. When she waved at me, I actually cried.

I cried because I missed her and I cried because Nhyya knows me. She knows my voice. She knows my face. She knows me.

Nhyya is the first child I've watched grow from day one (well, day four). She's the daughter of one of my best friends and she calls me (well, Detra calls me) "Aunt Ali."

She's this beautiful girl who's already so incredibly smart and full of life. Every time I see her, my heart melts a little more as I notice all the growing she's accomplished. Each time we meet she's smarter and funnier.

She leans her head toward your mouth when you make a kissy face at her now.

She sticks out her tongue now. I think it's the discovery and the novelty of it that she likes. But it might be her display of focus. Or it might be because she likes to make people laugh. I don't know. But I love her. I love everything about her.

I think until I have my own, I'll never love another child more than Nhyya.

I have so much to learn from her.

Universal [Health] Care

For 26 years my dad has worked in the far reaches of this world in attempts to cut down on the medical bills stacked up from seeking the best care for my sister -- the care she rightly deserves. For 26 years they've taken Susan to specialist after specialist at any cost, because the life of their daughter (of my sister) holds no tangible value. For 26 years, my dad has spent night after night sleeping in hotels, traveling for work, breaking his back to support our family, to attempt to dig us out of mountains of medical debt.

Susan wouldn't be alive today if my parents didn't bring her to Shands for the best pediatric nephrology care around when she was an infant. And sure, we have insurance, but only thanks to my dad spending my entire life (and my siblings lives) working away from his family. And the deductibles alone for things like Susan's specialists are unfathomable.

He was living in Michigan by himself, working to pay for Susan's health care when he suffered a heart attack (requiring an open heart quintuple bypass procedure) while getting ready for work. Because our health care system sees our family as purely facts and figures, numbers crunched or not yet crunched, they were unwilling to work with us. It's only thanks to my dad's best friend who started working double and giving our family his paychecks that we were able to put food on our table and keep a roof over our heads.

My parents have been happily married for over 30 years. Yet I spent my entire childhood living away from my dad. They made that decision with our best interest at heart -- knowing Susan would get the best care possible right here in Florida, and Dad would get the best pay possible in several other parts of the world. They trusted we'd understand why we were all apart more often than we were together. And I do.

I understand that it's because health care in America is unaffordable that my family was torn apart at the very seams. But we are stronger than this system. And we endured. With help from friends and strength from within ourselves, we have continued to overcome the thieving medical system in America. But at what expense? My getting to know my dad?

And I think this is where you and I view the world differently:

I know the system we are currently under offers no assistance to families like mine and I know I resent this system for taking my dad away from me through my entire childhood. It's my hope that no family gets torn apart over the cost of being healthy.

I do not resent the families who cannot afford to pay their medical bills, because I know those families. I don't resent those families because I understand the sacrifices made to pay medical bills are sad and unacceptable. No family should have to decide between paying their bills and being with their family.

What happened to caring for the general well-being of human kind? What happened to do-unto-others? I know the history of universal health care. I know the odds of it working might be slim, but I'd rather take my chances with that system and fail than continue living under our current one and watch more lives deteriorate under the weight of unmanageable health care costs.

I believe in helping each other. If I can chip in a little more each year and help lower the overall cost of health care, I will. Because I believe I'd be better off for it. I believe I'd benefit from living in a country with generally healthier, happier, more connected and compassionate citizens. And it might be ambitious, but I believe we can accomplish this. We just have to start truly seeing each other instead of seeing stereotypes and categorizations.

My family is one that's worked very, very hard and earned EVERY PENNY, and that is precisely why I see things this way. I'm optimistic and hopeful. I want to make this whole country better, not it's citizens individually. When will people start realizing we are one race of people and our individual survival directly correlates with our survival as a species?

Food for Thought: Declaration of Independence.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. That to secure these rights,governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. That whenever any form of government becomes destructive to these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shown that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such government, and to provide new guards for their future security. --Such has been the patient sufferance of these colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former systems of government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute tyranny over these states. To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world.