Today has been a learning experience.

I've realized:

• cheese cake can be had for breakfast from time to time.
• even when your co-workers have been in foul moods, let it be. They might be fouly mooded because they were up all night trying to make you a red velvet cake from scratch.
• there are few unexpected experiences in life. When a good one comes around (like a perfect stranger wishing you happy birthday before anyone you actually know), embrace it.
  ---- "Hey Alison! Sounds like today is a special day for you! We don't know each other (yet) but I sincerely hope that all your projects come true, that you’re very happy, that you may celebrate many, many birthdays! Happy birthday from Morocco " I received this on my wall on my penpaling site (interpals.net), from a young guy named Naoufal.
• being involved with programs like Postcrossing and Interpals is more like being a member of a really large, but close family. You make relationships you'd never know if not for the site, you create bonds, write letters, and even get birthday wishes from friends you haven't met yet.
• no matter which way the cleaning lady puts the toilet paper on the dispenser, I can still use it.
• even the least selfish of people would still like to be lavishly smothered in a varying array of affections on special occasions. It's just nice to be reminded that someone loves you.
• rainy day activities like long, luxurious showers and napping in a house with a tin roof eventually grow fewer. cherish the ones you have.
• no where does it say that celebrating your life has to be done on the day of your birth. Throw a "we're grateful to be alive" party. And have all the attendees write down why -- and really put thought into it.

One ZERO TOLERANCE Policy: racism

I wrote this for Myspace (on Monday, Jan 26), but it works here too.

After last Tuesday -- the inauguration day of the best chance of a better country we've been given in 8 years -- I witnessed more racism than I care to ever be affiliated with. And it's even more sad considering the only people with access to this profile are the people I consider my friends.

But I am no friend to a racist.

It's one thing to think Barack Obama will not do well for America because "he lacks experience." You're entitled to that opinion, and as much as I strongly disagree with it, I will still respect it.

But it's a completely different thing to say "he's going to destroy America" because his skin is darker than yours might be.

It blew my mind to read the names some of my "friends" were calling our newly-elected President -- names I won't even repeat because such disgustingly malicious and unprecedented judgments don't come from my mouth and because the simple minded idiots who said them to begin with would most likely think, at the sight of those words, that I was agreeing with them.

It's after almost a week's consideration and deliberation with logical, respectable, anti-racism friends of mine that I have decided to delete any affiliation with any of the "friends" who publicly expressed their racism after the election of Barack Obama.

Slice it any way you like, but making derogatory statements about his skin pigment is racism. And implying because of his skin, he will make a terrible president is flat out, blatant racism.

And either way you slice it, I for one won't be tolerating it.

What makes you think because you're lighter in skin tone, you're more worthy of accomplishments or intelligence, or leadership? Slavery and white power both ended generations ago. Move on.

Get with the rest of us.

ONE world -- OUR world.

ONE race -- the HUMAN race.

We are all one entity.

With that being said, marking a full week President Obama has been rectifyingsome serious damages, tomorrow I'll be washing my hands of the racists I know -- and rectifying the damages made by having them in my life.

peace and good luck to you,
Alison.

What do I know about love?

Often times I find I'm doling out relationship advice and I just have to stop and laugh at myself. I'm not sure how I came to be in a position to give advice -- Jon-Michael is my first authentic boyfriend (and second and third, humorously enough) -- but if I'm being helpful, I don't mind.

I think my insight may have come from watching many relationships develop and or deteriorate as I grew up. I remember being the only girl in my group of friends in middle and high school who didn't date someone (and I just don't count James Todd these days). That, combined with being a shoulder to a lot of people, really helped me to assemble quite the cabinet of relationship knowledge before I ever stepped into that stage of life myself.

And it certainly helps that my parents have been happily married for 30+ years now. There's not many better examples of sustaining a happy, healthy relationship than the example of my mom and dad. And believe me, I've analyzed the dickens out of their lives.

But all the relationship knowledge in the world doesn't hold a candle to having my own. It's like baby-sitting, just because you can watch someone else's kid for three hours while the parents go out for dinner doesn't mean you're capable of raising your own.

I have all the same struggles as everyone else does: I go through all the same motions, all the same fights, all the same fears [these are the woes]. And I also have all the same wonderful feelings [these are the whoas]. The difference is apparently I can often predict all the possible outcomes of all those motions, fights, and fears.

And if you've ever found yourself hearing my relationship advice more than once, chances are you heard nearly the same thing twice. The core of the advice anyone will get from me is that you cannot be happy with someone else until you're happy with yourself.

Once you've accomplished your own personal happiness, attracting a mate is the easy part.

I suppose before I go any further I should say there's nothing wrong with dating someone without intentions of having a serious future, that's not what I'm talking about here. If you want to casually date - go for it, that doesn't really take much advice.

I'm talking about finding your soul mate, your other half, the yin to your yang, the cheese to your macaroni, your Jon-Michael Soracchi.

"Well, I've learned that if you're losing yourself trying to make someone you think you are in love with happy, then it's not the right love. The right love doesn't let you lose yourself."
-- Me (to Ryan).

But if you don't even know yourself, how do you know if you're losing you or not? How do you accomplish your own personal happiness?

Look into yourself. Indulge all the interests and eccentricities you've always stifled. Try new things, surround yourself with positive people. Be where you want to be – not in the physical as much as the mental.

You'll only find the right person for you when you are really you. Because if you're not being true to who you are, how can you expect someone to recognize who you are and love you for it?

And let me just say, if I am where I think I am in relationship-land, the whoas greatly outweigh the woes.

My advice to you is to keep your eyes open and attempt to be at your best in the physical, mental and emotional states. My friend Peggy wrote as her senior quote, "never walk around with a frown because you don't know who's falling in love with your smile."

And I couldn't think of a better way to phrase it if I tried.

The end of an era

I wake up one morning and drive past on my way to work, the sign says "hay and azaleas." Typical, I think. On my way home there's a truck in Bossman's usual place. An hour later I return. "He sold the place," she said. And my heart skipped a beat. "He's gone."

I was cordial and happy for her. Happy if she was happy. And honestly, I was happy for him for finally being able to move on. But in my heart of hearts, I thought ... what do I do now?

For 23 years I've lived in this town and for all my memorable ones, he has owned that store. I used to go with my mom when she would get copies of her newspaper column or use the fax. I would buy a gumball or some Chiclets. I went once with Dad to find a fixture for our ancient bathtub. He didn't have it, but he knew where to find it.

Today I drove by on my way to work and the sign read "new hours" and listed them.

Part of me wants to strongly dislike the man who bought the shop, but I'm so happy for Bossman that I can't be upset. So much has changed for their family in the last few months that this just seems miniscule. But miniscule it might seem, it also seems like the perfect pick-me-up.

I grew up with his son. We were like best friends in grade school. Shared the same class through seventh grade or so. Inseperable sometimes. He used to work there -- about since he was fourteen maybe. His life has changed now, but I've since wondered what he will do when he returns and life is not the same in Fort McCoy.

And I might fear I'll lose touch with the family I've begun to feel as my own. The convenience of seeing them will be gone, and when Bossman and the Mrs. move to Georgia (which is bound to happen), I'm not exactly sure what that will mean for their son. . . . What that will mean for me.

I'm not sure I get even remotely the same feeling when I drive through Fort McCoy anymore and so I'm not so uneasy about moving myself anymore either. It almost makes me queasy to see the shop that's parking lot once stored four cars I knew at a glance. Now I know one. And as awesome of a woman as she is, she was never the reason I went there.

Why is it that even though I know this is what they want and what they've always wanted, and that it's been a long-time coming, that I'm not prepared to lose the ability to swing by and see them? I think I never really believed he would be able to go through with selling it. But with no one to pass it down to, I understand why he did. And with his future in Georgia now, it makes perfect sense for him. But that doesn't mean that it doesn't kind of breaks my heart.

I need to visit Sanford as soon as I come back from Texas. I think that might be part of my problem.